Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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