I puked a lego.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
