in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
