Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
