I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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