Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so that wasnt chicken after all
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
