You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
