Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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