i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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