yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize