shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
