Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
