Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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