Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
