I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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