i already hear my dad disowning me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
