Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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