i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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