apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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