He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
