in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
