Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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