College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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