Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
