I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
