Jerry, you need to find god
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
