thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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