Sry I called you an 8
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
