How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Randomize
