I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
