Little spoons don't ask big questions
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
