fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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