It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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