so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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