I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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