Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
