he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize