Small penises have feelings too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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