It's like God shit irony all over that family
We got so high we made milksteak
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
