Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
