we have pet lesbian snakes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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