So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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