im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
