Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
