im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
