Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
