READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
