Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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