I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
