Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
