I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
