i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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