Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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