I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
