He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
