im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
