My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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