how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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