I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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