you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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