Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
