It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
