I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
