fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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