ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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