I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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